how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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