why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
