I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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