I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
