Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
