My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
