Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
