3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
