my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
