So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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