Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
