I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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