I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
