grandma shit on top of the toilet
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
