well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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