We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
