K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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