i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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