We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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