honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
