I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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