Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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