Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's never too late to be topless.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
