I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
