I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
