I could make wine with my vomit
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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