just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize