I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
