My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
