U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize