someone get that fucking seahorse.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
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