Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
