i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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