I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You smell like stripper and shame
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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