I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
