I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
