He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
