We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
