im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize