I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
