Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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