I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
