You just made me feel so damn special
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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