One girl and one boy is just not enough.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
