Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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