The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm at about main and main street
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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