Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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