ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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