You just made me feel so damn special
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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