it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
