Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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