tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
FUCK WHALES
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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