He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
