Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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