i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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