So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
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I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
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I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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