i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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