i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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