so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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