never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
