my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
