don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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