Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
