I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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